Constant text messages can annoy the partner
Constant taps, love messages or questions about the current status can annoy others and even lead to the end of a relationship. “I am close to you right now and I'm thinking of you! What are you doing? Do you think of me too? ” Such SMS are certainly good at the beginning of a relationship. However, if they are constantly written even after months and years, many of them are quickly annoyed. It acts like surveillance and often shows jealousy, as psychologists now confirm.
In constant contact with your loved one
Often rituals in a partnership can help to make living together better. But sometimes they can be annoying. One ritual that is very common these days is sending messages via messengers like WhatsApp and Co. It has never been so easy to be in touch with your loved one around the clock. "I love and miss you", plus two hearts and a kiss: Every day, countless love messages, greetings or information for planning the evening together are sent via smartphone. In a message from the dpa news agency, experts explain that this can also cause problems and what couples should pay attention to.
Many messages can annoy the partner
"In the past you stuck a note on the mirror or put a message in the lunch box, today you send such messages on your mobile phone," explains Jörg Wesner, psychologist and couple therapist from Hamburg. "At first, this is simply a good way to express your affection." The loving greeting from the partner means that the other person thinks of you and that feels good. In many relationships, the short messages still cause stress.
As a rule, the writers hope for a quick response and are disappointed if this is not done quickly enough. One problem here is that by using the smartphone all the time, we lose the art of waiting anyway. On the other hand, the recipient may be annoyed because the tenth kiss message is flashing on the lock screen that day. "Many expect the partner to be permanently available to them," says couple therapist Andrea Bräu from Munich. It is rather rare for both of them to be on the same wavelength when communicating online: "Most men are shorter and write fewer messages than women."
If the partner does not respond despite online status
Manuela Sirrenberg, psychologist at the University of Eichstätt-Ingolstadt, is researching the effects of this imbalance on the partnership: "In a partnership, imbalances are associated with less stability in relationships and with a higher intention to separate," said the expert. The survey of more than 500 people showed: "This also applies to media communication." If a partner always has the feeling that his messages are going nowhere or are not being properly appreciated, he will question the relationship more quickly. Often jealousy also comes into play: what if the partner does not answer, even though the status message reveals that he is online? Instead, is he perhaps commenting on his ex-girlfriend's latest pictures on Facebook? “If I want to be jealous, I get a lot more suspicious opportunities on social networks,” explains couple therapist Wesner. Then one wonders why the girlfriend suddenly chats so much with this new colleague or why she calls her hairdresser Schatzi?
Uncertainty increases the risk of jealousy
According to psychologists and psychotherapists, jealousy is normal and useful in many cases, but can also be a major problem. In the past, a few friendly words or a non-binding little flirt, quickly forgotten as uttered, today they are written down legibly for everyone. This gives them a much greater weight. Psychologist Manuela Sirrenberg found when evaluating her surveys: "People with high jealousy read messages differently." They would also react suspiciously to messages that were formulated in a neutral way.
"This is especially true for people who feel insecure in their relationship." The couple therapist Andrea Bräu can confirm this from her consulting work. In the dpa report, she explains: "Jealousy has a lot to do with self-confidence." Those who are rather insecure worry that other people are more important to the partner and at the same time long for as much confirmation as possible. Smartphone communication can become a double problem here: the love message remains unanswered and the partner may also have contact with supposed competitors at the same time. "Media communication is a stress factor, especially in insecure relationships," said Sirrenberg.
You can also use the phone to make calls
The fast chat eliminates important elements of face-to-face conversation: "I cannot tell whether the partner is listening attentively, whether he has not understood something or whether he is bored," explains Andrea Bräu. While the quick news may work well for couples who “tick alike”, if they both find that the news is more annoying than pleasing, they should take action. For example, by agreeing that both hide their online status.
As Jörg Wesner says in the agency announcement, couples should under no circumstances argue via text message: "This can only go wrong because the partner does not recognize the mood in which the other is expressing his criticism." For example, whether a comment is humorous or ironic is meant very seriously.
The shorter a message, the more room for misunderstandings, according to Wesner. If the dispute really needs to be resolved in writing, it would be better to send it by email or in a letter: "You take more time for that, write whole sentences and usually read everything through again before sending it off." Distance and could take the edge off some accusations. According to Wesner, the actual function of the smartphone is too often forgotten: "Instead of sending countless messages back and forth, some problems would be solved much faster with a phone call."